#2: “Saying Merry Christmas is bad!/This is stupid because it’s not Christmas!”
Today, we’re gonna look at an older example of Andrew Dobson’s hypocrisy, but still a good one.
Dobson is somewhat notorious for hating both Halloween and Christmas, probably due to the facet that it’s a happy time for a lot of people and he’s a miserable fuck, among other reasons. So of course he would want to comment on the whole “saying Merry Christmas” controversy that comes up every year to a certain degree.
Now I bring this specific comic up for a reason, specifically the Hanukkah focus Dobson makes. You see, before this comic was made, Dobson had himself a Jewish girlfriend that invited him to spend the holidays with her family, as him was unable to go home for Christmas that year. Why do I mention she was Jewish? Let me answer that with Dobson’s own words.
Aside from Dobson’s need to take immediate offense to anyone questioning him and his condescending attitude, you’ll notice he puts more focus on himself feeling bad about Christmas than thankfulness for his girlfriend’s family inviting him to celebrate with them: much more offensive than saying “Merry Christmas” to somebody.
Dobson once again proving that instead of making a comic about something he himself believe, he draws the comics to appear “progressive” so he can get attention from ultra-PC women.
Also he talks about having problems with money and bills but doesn’t he live with his rich parents?
Man okay when I got my wisdom teeth out it was a fucking experience. Before the surgery wasn’t too interesting but as soon as I woke up I saw the nurse next to me and was all like “hey… i think… i died… and now I’m in a parallel universe… and i gotta go back to my house and kill the me from this universe” and he was just kinda like “alright, you do that”. And then the other nurse kept going in and out of the room to get things and I thought there was like 5 of her that kept coming out of the room, and then so when she was wheeling me out in a wheelchair I was like “damn… why are there so many of you… there’s like 5 many of you” and she was just kinda like “alright, you do that”.
Anyway I got to the car and my dad was there and he was like “how ya feeling son” in the dadliest way possible and I was like “MAN I AM PUMPED LETS GET SOME JUICE I’M STARVED” so we drove about 3 blocks to a jamba juice, whereupon I say “I’m good I can do this” and run/drunkstumble 30 feet to the door. I burst in the door like a viking returning from some fucking battle and holler “WHATS UP FUCKS” to everyone in the store, which was thankfully just the 2 people behind the counter, who looked probably as scared/confused as a jamba juice employee could look.
So anyway, as my dad explained the situation I looked up at the jamba juice menu and was utterly fucking lost in it. Like I swear I was looking at this menu board for a year, deciphering this Rosetta stone of fruits. I distinctly remember that I was looking at each item in a smoothie, thinking of how it tasted, then moving on to the next thing and thinking of how that tasted, and how they would taste together. Since most smoothies had 3 or 4 items, this took some thinking. So my dad sees me in this extreme brain blast state of mind and says “hey are you going to order or what”. Keep in mind I’m on the first fucking smoothie on the list here. So I just say “shush man I’m trying to do fruit science”, and then when I realized that this process could take literal years, I just said “yeah give me a smooth regular” which for the uninitiated, isn’t actually a real thing on any menu. Oh, also I asked them if the “boosted” smoothies would give me super powers and then pointed my fingers at them and made “lightning noises”.
So my dad just orders me the first thing on the menu and I go to sit down and stare out the window or some shit and my thoroughly amused dad just looks at me and says “how ya feelin?”. Now at this time I was feeling a lot of things, but most noticeable to me was the gauze in my mouth, so I just look at him and say “there’s these fuckin… tiny sheep in my head” which at the time was the best way I had to convey this feeling. Anyway about that time, the jamba juice guy brings us our drinks and he gives me a small thing of mario kart stickers and I swear I almost cried from the tsunami of emotion that gift made me feel (I still have them).
Anyway the rest of the story is we drove home and I explained this programming project I was working on to my dad in perfect detail somehow and then I came home and went on facebook and posted a comment on my friends status (because I couldn’t find the status update bar) that read: “i just took a lort of painkillers and yelled at everyone in a jambo juice”
This may be the funniest thing I have ever read. There are actual tears coming out of my face.
I was under for dental surgery before too, and while I won’t go into too much detail: (from what Grandpa told me)
-I called the doctor a penguin. (”No that’s your doctor.” “NO IT’S A PENGUIN! WHAT’S A PENGUIN DOING HERE?”)
-Attempted to get up and walk on my own, even after stumbling and being held up by the other dentists.
-When they put me in a wheelchair, I said “Its okay, I can walk! I got horse legs!”
-Was looking around and couldn’t see because I had my glasses in my hands. I asked my grandpa why everything was so blurry and he told me to put on my glasses. I asked “What are glasses?”
-I was told we were heading home and I went “NEWKIRK!” (We haven’t lived at Newkirk for almost six years) and he goes “No we’re going to Columbia Avenue.” and in a brilliant moment of word association, I went “FUCK Christopher Columbus! We’re going to Newkirk!”
-Yelled at our two dogs, which promptly made the both of them tuck their tails and lower their heads (don’t worry I apologized when I recovered)
-Counted the four dog decorations on our steps, yelled “FUCK YOU” and flipped them off (Apparently Anesthesia me is a dick to dogs)
-Saw my sisters and said “OH MY GOD, GREMLINS! GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE!”
-Stripped off my pants and my bra and tossed them around the sitting room before crawling on the couch (Grandpa had to throw a blanket over me)
-Went under the blanket and whined and cried about wanting my “Dinosaur Tank” (dunno what that is)
-Ate two packs of pudding, a whole thing of jello, a ton of water, half a gallon of ice cream and two bowls of tomato soup and woke up without remembering eating any of it.
I can’t believe Americans use general anaesthetic when removing wisdom teeth
In India we are given local anaesthetic so I was awake during the whole procedure. Thankfully you don’t feel anything but you can still SEE the pliers and shit.
a friend of mine forgot the word “lamp” once and said “light faucet”
I’m shaking from laughter. Yes, this is the right way to start a Friday morning.
Listen guys, I have a BA in English and an MA in Professional Writing and I have:
Forgotten the word “gums” and called them “teeth cuticles” Forgotten the term “liquor store” and called it a “rum-o-rama” Forgotten the word “mohawk” and called it a “head mustache”
The list goes on and on. Wording is HARD.
You know that putty you put in holes before you paint a wall? I forgot the word “putty,” called it “hole-be-gone” instead, and now my whole family refers to it as hole-be-gone.
it’s hard to make the brain do the english, ok!?
I wish I had this skill. When I lose a word, my brain derails. I use the term ‘derail’ because it is the mental equivalent of a train derailment (just easier to clean up)
At the staff meeting, my boss referred to the clipboard as “that snappy board”
My 4-year-old nephew didn’t know the word “knuckle” so he told us his finger knee hurt.
I have, on more than one occasion, referred to a spoon as a ‘food digger’.
My mom once forgot the word “band” and called it a “song team”
I once forgot the words “drivers license” and called it a vroom vroom card.
I call money, ‘Green fat.’
When I told my friend she was on this post/buzzfeed listicle, she said “I always knew I’d be famous for being stupid”.
I constantly mix up the dishwasher and the washing machine. I once called the washing machine “clothes dishwasher”.
this is the birthday party she just threw for her kids
i am FASCINATED by how Britney is so supportive and excited about their interest in Pokemon even though I have absolutely no doubt she is utterly confused by Pokemon
Honestly, Britney Spears seems like an excellent mom.
Want to increase your ability to empathize with others? Here’s what you can do!
Who do you turn to when you are frustrated or upset about something in your life? It is likely someone who listens and expresses an understanding of your feelings and compassion for your struggle. I’m l am lucky enough to have a best friend that has been in my life since high-school, and that was many years ago.
It doesn’t matter the dilemma, the heartbreak, or the joy I share with him, he is right there to share it with me. When times are rough he sits beside me, sometimes quietly, sometimes asking questions, but always understanding.
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