shitauthority:

Why is common sense such a controversial thing to have on this site?

The fact that some of you have to be told not to shoplift or not to judge people based on factors of birth is fucking sad.

And it’s even sadder if you have to be told shit like this as an adult.

stop-stalin-and-suck-my-dick:

artistic-camo-penguin:

edgybubble:

didsomebodysay-kat-aesthetic:

moltengoldenstardust:

dailypattondoodle:

writerinhighheels:

pipermccloud:

rainy-suggestion:

connormurphweed:

they get fogged up when we drink hot beverages.
they get smudged for no reason.
we will push them up using anything in our area (i.e shoulder, whatever is in my hand, scrunching my nose up so they get pushed up, etc.).
they get knocked off our faces all. the. fucking. time.
when we change clothes we either take them off or they fall off when we pull our shirts off.
we have to clean them after being in the rain.
we own multiple pairs of them, not just one lone pair for our whole lives.
most people don’t wear them in the pool, but some have extra old pairs for the pool (like me).
some people take them off during sex, that’s fine! but some people keep them on.
they don’t get squished into your face when you kiss (most of the time. at least from what i’ve experienced and i’ve got some mf big glasses).
if we look down and look back up while you talk/to peek up at something, we will just peek blindly over the top of them.
we clean them on whatever item of clothing is closest.
some of us have prescription sunglasses and some of us wear contacts when we need to wear sunglasses.
please keep some of these in mind when you write characters with glasses cause y’all who have 20/20 vision keep telling me all characters sleep in their glasses and own the same singular pair from age 6-25 and they never clean them.

( there’s this but you missed a few iconic glasses traits
– “where’d I put my glasses” (is wearing them)
– new glasses getting scratched on basically nothing. where’d the nick come from? we just don’t know.
– forgetting you’re wearing synthetic material and just smudge the junk on your glasses around
– after doing so, proceeding to hunt down any friend who is wearing a more cottony material
– getting eyelashes on your glasses
– stabbing yourself in the face with the arm of your glasses
– “woah are you blind?”
– “how many fingers am I holding up??”
– walking into a warm room from the cold and suddenly being unable to see because your glasses fogged up
– going outside and everything is Super Crisp 1080p
– having three pairs of glasses and putting all of them at once
– “aw dude you have transition lenses? lucky.”
– the non-glasses scrutinising squint
– taking off your glasses and suddenly you’re a different entity entirely
– if you’re too good for taking off your glasses when dressing/undressing, realising you didn’t pull the collar of a shirt out enough and subjecting to your fate )

-For female characters wearing eye makeup is pretty much useless

– the reason why is because no matter what we do, the mascara will smear on our glasses

– thinking “Oh, there’s a little smudge. I’ll just clean it quickly”, then taking the glasses off and wondering how the hell you could see with what looks like three layers of dirt on them

– giving your loved one a little kiss but in the wrong angle so their nose touches your glasses

– the look™ when you’re in your bed lying on the side with your glasses on (aka the glasses are skewed)

-sleeping in glasses fucking hurts… well, not anymore, but it used too

-if you have long eyelashes, having to push your glasses down your nose so they dont constantly rub each other, then having to push them up cuz you cant see

-WHY WONT YOU STAY ON MY FACE?!?!?!

-*they tilt crooked slightly* oh wow, And… now Im falling over

-You can’t lay your head down or anything resembling that unless you’re staring straight up at the ceiling

-going to push your glasses up when you don’t have them on and poking yourself in the eye

– I CAN SEE TWIGS (aka the amazement when you put them on for the first time and realize just how fucked up your vision was)

being able to see half way decently to the point where when they are smudged up half the time you just set them aside but then you remember why you don’t usually do that a couple minutes later when the headache kicks in.

Y’all forgot the worst one-

needing a pair of glasses to find your glasses

How come no one else put this one –

when you have your glasses off and push up on the bridge of your nose, thinking you still have your glasses on

Don’t forget friends thinking it doesn’t matter if you get hit in the face while wrestling about (not like a punch, but like, thinking it wont matter if you get hit by accident) bc the glasses will protect you.

NO THEY WONT, WHAT HAPPENS IS THE GLASSES PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE WITH THE LITTLE THINGS THEY USE TO SIT ON YOUR NOSE. AND THEN THEY’RE CROOKED FOREVER.

And don’t forget the eternal argument between the friend who obsessively cleans their glasses judging the friend who never cleans their glasses.

*takes off glasses and doesn’t put them on for 1 hr* *gets crippling migraine for days* 

Using 3D mode on the 3DS? Are you trying to kill me?  Or at least, give me severe motion sickness? 

Where are my glasses??? Oh. They’re on my head. 

TFW you put you glasses on the table and they only stand on one leg while the other leg is up 

urbanxdivinity:

sleep

A pillow that isn’t too soft or too hard.

yourresidentginger69:

just-shower-thoughts:

Blood is thicker than water. But, syrup is thicker than blood. Therefore pancakes are more important than family.

Fun fact the actual saying is “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” which means the bonds you make through out life are more important than family

cumberbangers:

You know, whenever I see the SJWs start hunting for a trophy to collect, as they are right now, I can’t help but think back to the original beloved Xkit Guy. I’m not sure how many of you know the full story behind why he disappeared. Someone decided to report him to a blog here at Tumblr that had been created to out sexual predators anonymously. It was something along the lines of a friend of a friend said Atesh raped her. Once the information was published on that blog, Atesh was hammered with all kinds of hate messages that resulted in him becoming so depressed that he was nearly suicidal. Ultimately there was a backlash against the blog, and they did delete the post and admit they’d screwed up by not getting Atesh’s side of the story, but by then it was too late. Atesh was done with Tumblr and with Xkit. I’m ever so grateful new people have stepped in to take over Xkit, but it never should have happened in the first place.

This is the kind of damage that overzealous SJWs can do.

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

aph-willow-cipher:

harbinger-of-madness:

tits-n-trix:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

pwapboi:

fireheartedkaratepup:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

Ah, yes, the great Banana Famine. Dark, dark days indeed. Gather round my children, I am going to tell you a story of great tragedy.

Eons back, in a strange far away land, in a world now long gone (circa 1950), the Gros Michel reigned supreme. It was the one Banana to rule All bananas. Gros Michel (literally Fat Michael in French, also known as “Big Mike”) was the main banana cultivar grown in Central America and sold around the globe. A noble specimen, it’s thick peel and dense bunches made it resilient, easy to ship, and yes also fat. Look. Look at it. This banana is thiiiiiiiicc

hard to find good photos. it would have also resembled the goldfinger banana. looooook et it, it so thicc

so thicc. 

Ahem.

And all was well and good and peaceful.

Everything changed when the Panama disease attacked.

Ah, the Panama disease. The great banana plague. The Banana Blight, if you will. Songs were written in elegy to the terrible destruction it wrought. Like, actually. Here’s the “Yes we have no bananas” song:

It was Chaos.

Vast tracts of plantation banana trees, noble warriors, slaughtered, cut down in their prime. Ah! the grief. Ah! the loss.

But, amid the havoc of what wikipedia and I refer to as the Gros Michel Devastation Era, an unlikely hero arose. You know it as simply a humble banana. But our hero has a name:

cavendish, it’s named cavendish. 

The Cavendish banana, a cultivar that had been mass produced since the turn of the century, but only just then got it’s Time to Shine. For whatever reason, Cavendish bananas grew just fine in the same Panama disease-ridden soil that destroyed Gros Michel trees. So yeah, we planted them, fought the blight, won the war, got bananas back. 

But every war has casualties. 

Never again were bananas so tasty. Never again, were bananas so thicc.

I warned you this was the story of a tragedy. A moment of silence for our fallen comrade, please. Raise your wands to our late, great hero, Gros Michel.

(You can still get em in some places tho. Or like hybrids? idk. ) 

And kiddies, that’s the story of the banana famine as i know it.

Other deets:

BANANAS HAD SEEDS HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THIS

LOOK AT IT

bananas were cultivated over time to be seedless. 

Bananas were deboned. dwell on that.

unnfff yeah

feels so wrong but so good

unnnfff

misc stuff 

• cavendish bananas may or may not be dying. We may or may not see the dark days of plague descend again. idk, look it up.
• There’s a story (not proven) that the reason artificial banana flavor tastes weird is b/c it was based on the flavor of the Gros Michel. If so, it might be cause Fat Mike had a stronger taste (due to higher levels of isoamyl acetate). idk.
• the “Yes we have no bananas” song was written in 1922 during an earlier outbreak. src.  like any good plague, panama disease has a history of hovering over it’s fearful victims, sometimes for years, before striking the final blow.
• sources are in the links above, also see the links on these wiki pages
• i swear if i get hate mail on a banana post i don’t even know what i’ll do, probably stab a wall with a fork and eat it.

I want to share one more thing with you.

I saw this with my own two eyeballs. now you have too. we never speak of this again. we take this to our graves

shhit I’m tired. 

you guys owe me a reblog on this one. Honor system, don’t mooch.

-BGP signing off

this post feels so much bigger than 500 notes 

I feel like this is a good time to show you another of my babies

I love banana slugs!!!

I learned things but the seed pictures made me dry heave and then the fish completely wiped clean everything I had read before I think I know less about bananas than I did before

I made a thing.

back in the day, a banana flood happened in Scranton (my dad grew up there) because a banana truck fell over. at least 1 person died

@biggest-gaudiest-patronuses

were they killed by the truck or the bananas