maigredoll:

I can’t imagine

That anyone could …

• Love me
• Like me
• Have a crush on me
• Be excited when they see me
• Think I’m pretty
• Want my attention
• Need me
• Want me
• Adore me
• Want to be like me
• Be excited when I post
• Care about me

But not for the usual reasons like hating myself or anything like that. I can picture someone doing those things, but that doesn’t mean I’ll believe it. 

I’ve had people need me, think I’m pretty, or be excited about me, but it was almost always told as a prelude to wanting something from me. Or to compensate for trying to control or change me beforehand. I’ve had people love me before, but almost all of them have loved me the same way that “a dragon loves its gold, or a miser loves money.”

This has lead to me side-eyeing caring gestures and becoming basically numb to kindness in general because I can’t tell if it’s real or fake.