I have heard from a lot of survivors who are, understandably, confused about how responsible their parents are for the abuse because they were also abused by their parents. So let me clarify…
They are 100% responsible. Abuse is 100% wrong and it is 100% their responsibility that they are doing it. Just as it will be 100% wrong and your responsibility if you do it to your children.
It is the abusive parent’s duty to deal with their emotional wounds so that they do not abuse you. Repeatedly saying, “sorry, I was abused too,” is not good enough. They need to change their behavior and not abuse you anymore. That is the only thing that means anything. Bringing up past abuse instead of being accountable and changing their behavior is just another way of manipulating you into accepting the abuse. Maybe you are underage and cannot yet stop them from abusing you, but you can at least know in your mind that it is not acceptable behavior, that they are at fault and responsible for their abuse of you.
“They need to change their behavior and not abuse you anymore. That is the only thing that means anything. Bringing up past abuse instead of being accountable and changing their behavior is just another way of manipulating you into accepting the abuse.”
They also need healthier coping mechanisms for their traumas and deserve to be helped by professionals in the matter.
Abusive parents have every freedom to get professional help. They are adults and it is their responsibility to seek that out and do it. No one can force them and let’s just be real clear here, adults who abuse their children usually don’t seek professional help. That would require they admit they’re abusive and that almost never happens. So I repeat, THEY ARE 100% FREE TO GET PROFESSIONAL HELP. NO ONE HERE HAS EVER SAID ANY DIFFERENT.
Just to be clear.
Also, not being able to afford professional help is not an excuse to continue unfettered delight in crushing a tiny, innocent human soul. I know this from experience. You can become a better person ALL BY YOURSELF. JUST START FUCKING TRYING.
My parents do not admit they’re abusive (gaslighting), nor do they try to be better people. That’s 100% on them and so is the damage they did to me as a child.
Sure, they deserve help if they want it, but let me be crystal clear, that does not excuse their responsibility one tiny damn molecule.
And I never said they weren’t responsible for their behavior nor that it excused their shitty behavior. So yeah I agree!
I’m just being clear. Bc abusers screw with our heads so thoroughly. And if I seem angry, I am but not at you. I’m like just permanently pissed at abusive parents.
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